The plight of twins, mothering, stress, zits and good friends

Hi Friends! It's been a while! I'm sorry! Geesh! 

And even now... I'm going to share a post with you that I wrote weeks ago. Forgive me. It's an honest post about motherhood. Hope you still like me. 

(Two-year birthday party for the boys, with mouths full of cake!) 

The pressure has been mounting around here. We have that darn house we couldn't sell under contract. (YEAH!) But boy, oh boy is it stressful at times. Will it all go through okay? And...we've got to finish moving out of it, etc. AND... the house we are in now... we are also selling. It was just a project fixer-upper. And it's on the market. So, I show it to people. They call. They ask... "can we see it tonight"? "How about tomorrow"? I start to sweat. I twitch. I pick up one room... and go on to the next to turn around and see the one room I picked up DESTROYED by my twins. They are two years old! Who am I kidding? So... lets just say that there are zits on my nose. And I'm clenching my teeth... lots.

So... yesterday, a good friend asked me to meet her at a pool club she belongs to. I thought... how fun??? My boys haven't seen a lot of "fun" action lately.

Today, I woke up excited about meeting my friend at the pool. With two toddlers... outings aren't exactly stress-free... so they aren't exactly frequent. And all day I told the boys about it. I spent about, oh... THE WHOLE morning packing up and getting ready for the occasion. I loaded the boys into the truck. Drove extra slow hoping they'd fall asleep on the way. (which of coarse they didn't until I looped around for about 30 minutes there). All was going to be worth it. I woke them up after a 5 minute nap... loaded them into the stroller and hauled two full bags of toys, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. into the pool area.

I was sweating heavily. Semi-frustrated. My low tank of fuel just ran out. But I was greeted by my sweet friend and the possibility of a good day for all.

In the kiddie pool, a mom approached me and asked, "Are they twins?"
"Yup."

"Oh, boy. I have twins," she said. I tuned in.

She continued, "My twins are now 8 years old. And now I have a 2 year old also."

"So, you know, don't you?"

"Yes. I sure do. Twins are tough. I can't imagine what triplets, or quadruplets or ..."

"I can't imagine."

"And it's different," she said,  "I can assure you. Raising two at the same exact time. And raising one. I know. I've done it."

At that time... one of the twins fell down, feet up, head down in the water. So our conversation ended abruptly. My sweet friend sat with me in the kiddie pool area, even though friends of hers were waiting for her in the "adult area". And we had a nice time chatting, and the kids I think had a good time in the pool. But between running around to catch them, changing them, feeding them and grabbing food out of their hands that they stole off someone else's pool chair... I left the pool club in a fury. I was one of those mom's who you see and think... "geesh.... she's clearly having a rough day, all in a panic to get out." I didn't even see or notice anyone looking at me. I didn't care. I just had to get out. I'm sure I looked ridiculous. My poor friend.

I put the kids in their car seats with less patience and I murmured a few poor choice words.

And I drove off with tears in my eyes.

And as I drove away... I thought... I want more for these boys. I'm sure every parent, whether they have one child, or twins or 9 children, has thought this. They try their very best... but when the day is done... they want something even more for these little ones that they love so much, that are taking everything in with their eyes and their hearts. I had the opportunity to love them... and instead... I felt like yelling at the top of my lungs, "you little shit!" (Sorry, but I'm going to be completely honest), and maybe at times I said something like it semi-under breath. Maybe at times I said, "No!" in exasperation. Maybe at times I could feel that I was one of those parents that I didn't want to be.

You know, sometimes I wonder if I was cut out to be a mom... and a mom of twins at that. I talk to some of my friends who now have two children... and they say that they are doing things a bit differently with their second. They have learned from their mistakes. And I think... "Darn-it. I never had that opportunity to learn with just one. I screwed them both up!" All my "first child" mistakes are for two, and I have a feeling I make a bunch of them. I'm learning all of this mother stuff with TWO children who need love at the SAME TIME. And I wonder what the implications for this are. And Darnit. I just think I have a lot to learn. It's not exactly like I had asked for twins. Or prepared myself. Nope. It was like BAAAAM. Here you go. (Gosh, I don't mean to sound so awful... it will come around... promise).

Another dear friend of mine once comforted me in a crying mess. After failing miserably with grace and patience, I asked her, "Would they be better off with their mom in Africa?" Even though she's sick with HIV and dirt poor...would they be better off?  

"Jenny, she would make the same mistakes, my friend. It's okay." She said it with pure certainty and love.

Gosh. I love my friends. I love my friend for saying that. And I love my friend at the pool for helping me and loving me, with no judgement when I am sure that I might have been a bit of an embarrassment.

I've been thinking quite a bit about what it means to be a mom, to be a parent. And it's the hardest darn thing I've ever done in my life. No holds barred. It sucks all of your "me-ness" right out of you. It makes you HAVE to grow more and more in loving the "other". Or else, you start shrinking. If you don't let go of that "me" life... it starts to take you over... and you end up, as C.S. Lewis describes in "The Great Divorce" a tiny poof of an existence, shriveling up to nothingness. I don't want to end up that way. But some days I am holding onto that "me" life with bloody knuckles.

You know...before kids... I thought I was a pretty descent, semi-selfless person. But boy, oh boy did I have a lot to learn. Am I the only "cotton-headed-ninny-muggins"??? I sure as heck felt pretty shriveling today.

And yet... 

we came home from the pool... and we sat on the couch. And I held them both to my heart.

And they smiled at me a smile that only their Mommy knows . You had to be there...

A Birthday and a heart attack...

The day after the boys' birthday, right about the time I was posting that "we're still alive"... my Dad was having a heart attack. It's a doozy of a story... and I'll tell you about it soon. I'm still trying to wrap my heart and mind around it. It's almost too fresh to write about. But, he's on his way home from the hospital right now. 

I'm so thankful for my precious 2 year old boys. But, I'm especially thankful for this guy right here. Who, since I was itty bitty, was the best Daddy in the whole wide world. And is now the very best Pa-pa. Oh are we thankful that we still have you, Daddy, here with us... 

(this picture was taken a day before his heart attack, at the birthday party)

We're still alive.

Just been wonderfully busy.

Two year old birthdays. (For the most precious two boys I've ever seen, of coarse).

Anniversary day trips. 

Camping trips that take 6 weeks to prepare for... and then go-bad with two simple factors: RAIN + BUGS.

And loads of hot summer fun.

But I've been thinking of all of you wonderful people. 

Miss you. 

I'll be back ever-so-soon. 

Love, Jenny

A real conversation...

I am about to give you a glimpse of a conversation that took place in my house about a week ago. 

10 pm.

We are in our bedroom.

Getting ready for bed.

HIM: "Babe... are you wearing your work shirt to bed?"

ME: "Uh huh."

HIM: "Do you have another one to wear to work tomorrow?" 

ME: "Nope."

HIM: "So... you are going to sleep in the shirt you are going to wear tomorrow?" 

ME: "Yup."

HIM: "Why?" 

ME: "Cause it's wrinkled... and I figure that my body heat, through the night, will de-wrinkle it." 

HIM: "Brilliant." 

Pigs, wedding registries, big dogs and dinner...

My Sister is getting married in September. And we are so excited. She's been dating her fiance for over four years. And he's a keeper. They love each other like crazy. 

I'll give you an example:

My soon to be brother-in-law owns his own auto-body shop. He comes from a family who owns their own maple sugar shack, raises their own pigs, cows, etc., and has their own vegetable garden. They are wonderful, wonderful, kind-hearted, compassionate people. And I'm so excited to blend our families together.

As I was saying... they raise their own pigs. And my sister's fiance (we'll call him Uncle "A"... as my boys do), has a part in raising these piggies. So, Uncle "A" has been helping take care of two PREGNANT pigs. Have you ever seen a very pregnant pig??? They are HUGE.

HUGE.

Anyways.

One of the pigs had her piglets. (Isn't that whatcha call 'em?) 16 of them. During birth... because it was in the middle of the night and they didn't know it was happening... some of the piglets got hurt. Real hurt. And Uncle "A" and my sister took them to my sister's little bungalow apartment and tried to nurse them back to health. It was precious. And sad. Some didn't make it. But to see my sister and Uncle "A" waking up every 45 minutes through the night to bottle feed these little piglets was just so sweet. They worried, really worried about these little guys... they named them, loved them, held them. 

So, one evening, we answered the telephone. "Hi, Jenny! Are you around? We are down in your area registering for our wedding... and wanted to know if we could stop over and bring something for dinner?" 

"Sure! That would be great." 

"Only thing... we have Fritz (their HUGE bullmastiff/boxer mix dog)................ and Josh."

Josh is one of the little piggies. 

"You took the dog and the pig to register for your wedding?" 

"Uh huh. Yeah... we had to keep running out to the car to see how they were doing. I even had to tell the lady helping us with our registry that we had to go check on our pig." 

So... they came over for dinner. It was chaos. Two twin two-year old boys, a HUGE dog, and a piglet running around. But so worth it. 

I am so excited for this wonderful, beautiful wedding to take place... to celebrate these wonderful, beautiful, precious people! I love you BOTH! 

I'm really not a cook.... and believe me... I don't have an ounce of the talent I need to turn this into a foodie blog...but...

I have to tell you about this.

Because it will make your summer.

A friend of ours brought it over to my parent's house. 

And the rest is history.

I like eating. I sometimes like to cook. I sometimes like to bake. 

I like easy things that don't have a bazillion million ingredients. 

Gets me all confused. 

I try to keep it healthy. 

Except when it comes to these right here...

I buy a package.

And I sneak a few frozen raw cookie dough pieces every once in a while. 

They never see the oven. Poor guys.

Well... one night I fell asleep before my husband and he came in and started feeling my stomach.

"What the heck are you doing???"

"I wanted to see if I could feel the cookie dough in there." 

ANYWAYS...

sidetracked.

The recipe. 

2 cans of chick peas. drained. 

about 3/4 cup of crumbled feta cheese.

1 red pepper. chopped.

1 red onion. chopped.

one head of broccoli. (just the good stuff... you know... the stuff that looks like the tree tops). chopped.

(you can see my expertise lingo coming out. I try to contain it)

about 1/3 cup of Newman's Own Caesar Dressing. (or more) 

and if you like greek olives... dice a few of those. throw 'em in. 

I don't know what it's called. 

But it's good. 

A nice view....

linking up with Sweet Shot Tuesday

I know, friends. I've been kinda slackin'. Pictures. No words. (Not even for Father's Day... and our Da-da sooooo deserved words!!!) I'll make it up to him.

But in the next couple days... I'm going to share with you about my sister. 

Her wedding. Pigs. Dogs. And Registries. Yes... they all go together.