A most deepest apology...

For those of you reading this... to understand my apology... you need to read this. It's my friend's love story. She married a widower. And he was quite a bit older than she was. And he was a professor... at the college she (and I) went to. And now she's a mom of four.

This is them:  

And here is my apology:

Dear Friend,

We have become very close. You are a precious, kindred spirit… that I would consider to be one of my dearest. But I have to tell you something. Every time we talk about your love story… there is a pain in my heart. And I will tell you why.

I was one of those “nay-sayers”. I was one of those people who watched from the outside and kept my distance. I had my thoughts: that your love “wasn’t right”. You see… my god was very small. My world was black and white. And I had all the right answers. Your love didn’t line up. It didn’t fit into my box.   

We shared the same circle of friends at that college we both went to. And even though they had welcomed you into their hearts, I sat a far and judged. Oh sure, I’d smile. Oh sure… I’d say that you were “alright by me”. But the truth be told… I watched you through a cloud of judgement. A cloud of fear.

You see, if your love and your story were “good and right”, then my world wasn’t so easily figured out. My god wouldn’t have been so nice and neat. My faith wouldn’t have been so clear cut and strong.

What I found out over the past 3 years was that I couldn’t have been more wrong. When I opened up my heart just a bit to Love… it came in like a rushing wind. But it had so much to destroy in order to survive in there. It had to destroy judgement. Selfishness and ego. Fear. Small dreams. Easy answers.  Man-made boxes, locks and keys.

And for the past three years Love has been tearing at my heart. And it’s brought me to my knees. At times I was so afraid of all that I was loosing. I was afraid I was loosing my “rock solid faith”. But in the end… all I was loosing was a list. It was a set of beliefs. Something that kept me separate and "other" from so many. So much of what was inside was a counterfit for the real thing. But the real thing wouldn't let me go... and the real truth has been setting me free. 

And what do you know. I was given a second chance. To be your friend.

And let me tell you what I see.

I see Love.

It’s so real and right that it radiates from your home. And it follows you into the grocery store.

I watch as you pick up the phone and talk to him… and light beams. I watch as he stands on the outskirts at a wedding and smiles as you dance with your friends. I see not two… but “one”.

Oh, I know your love is not easy. And you have even let me in to see some of those hard places.

But your love mends them. And it’s even more wonderful and true and pure.

Gosh, I hope and pray that all of “us” come out of the cracks and carry to you our humble hearts and deepest apologies. I hope we say, “I’m sorry” for I am sure at times our unspoken and spoken words cut like a knife.

I thank God for a second chance. I thank God that I am able to witness the way you have come under Love’s shelter… and you used those keys that many of us used to lock you out… and you locked yourself in.

 Love.

So, my precious friend… I am so sorry. From the bottom of the bottom of my heart. And I love you.

And  I’m overwhelmed with thanks…

When I think…

I got a second chance.

Love, Jenny