Sometimes, I feel like I've really blown it. At the end of the day, I have so much pent up anxiety, or disappointment or fear or frustration… I feel like I need to get put in the tub… wash all the gunk off and then run outside and shake like a dog.
Do you ever feel like that??
Am I the only crazy person?
Recently, I’ve been going through something. Some kind of change. And I believe it is REALLY good. But nothing good is ever easy is it?
One day, I’m going to write about this change… this big, huge, change. It has been at least three years in the making. (So it’s gonna take a while to jot down) And its been HARD. I guess we all are always changing. But this particular “change” has been the toughest yet. It isn’t a change in work, a change in home, or motherhood, or events. It is a change in my core being.
I think that anytime we journey towards becoming more “whole”, we have to face our selves. You know what I’m talking about. That gut of the you at your core. And sometimes… well…. I can speak for myself… I don’t like what I see. So lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of “what I don’t like”. And hopefully….. God…. PLEASE…. I’m on the brink of change.
So in times such as these, when my thinking is a bit blurry… and I’m digging stuff up so that I can get rid of it… I like to come up with a list. Some sort of list that helps me remember what’s important to “me”… the real me…. not the “me” I’m trying to get rid of… that perfectionist, worry wart, impatient, selfish puke.
So here it is:
1.Wake up and squeeze my boys. Kiss the big one (the Daddy). Begin the day with an "it's gonna be great" attitude.
2. (TRY to drink more green tea, less coffee)
3. Think of one project I need to get done. (too many often overwhelms me and I then end up doing NOTHING)
4. Make that healthy smoothie for the boys every day.... AND one for me.
5. Exercise at least 20 mins a day. (weekends... relax:) )
6. Listen to music. Alot. Passionate. Soothing. Soulful. Great.
7. Remember the Serenity Prayer.
8. Love with an open heart.
9. Call friends. Just to say, "how are you?" (I'm so bad at this).
10. Make time for my sisters, brother, my cousins, my family, my parents.
11. Challenge myself with something... a new way to see something, a more open heart, a deeper love.
12. Read books. Good ones. Classics. New. Old.
13. Have tea with my elderly neighbor. And learn from her.
14. Watch a good romance movie every now and then.
15. When the kids are sleeping... remember... it's "Mommy and Daddy's time". Clear away the junk that happened in the day... and enjoy the moments of togetherness.
16. Listen to a good teacher, a good mentor, a humble leader.
17. "Know Thyself"... and laugh.
19. Dance with my kids. Have you seen their moves??
20. Dance with my husband.
21. Do something crazy.
22. Drive off in my car... crank the music. AND SING.
23. Dream big dreams. Together.
24. Live the Beatitudes.
25. Remember to brush my teeth in the morning (I'm not joking).
26. Remember that one day... my kids WILL poop on the potty.
27. Enjoy working at the coffee shop (I forgot to tell you I got a part time job!)
28. Volunteer at the Salvation Army. (still haven't done that yet)
29. Remember that there are millions of people in poverty, slavery, and sickness... seek to be a part of the solution. Ask for guidance.
30. Give my husband "the bedroom eyes". ;)
31. Watch Goodwill Hunting. and The Lord of The Rings.
32. Remember that I'm just "human"... and I make a whole lot of mistakes.
33. Have friends over for dinner and enjoy making delicious food.
34. Enjoy every little moment with my little ones... not wanting the future, not dwelling on the past, but being present in the moment. And loving them like crazy.
I'm sure there is much more I could/should write. But taking down this little list was a thin slice of Heaven. Every now and then... It's good to make a list. What would you "put down"?